Element
by Shakespeare's Lemonade
Summary: He's in his element here with the punching bags and silence. It's out there that things start to get blurry. He'd rather stay out of this new world. It's probably the best for him and for the 21st century. He's not going to change who he is. One hour challenge. Oneshot.


"Element"

Shakespeare's Lemonade

Rating: T

Genre: Angst

Summary: He's in his element here with the punching bags and silence. It's out there that things start to get blurry. He'd rather stay out of this new world. It's probably the best for him and for the 21st century.

A/N: This is from the UF one hour challenge based on the word "element."

**_Element_**

He's in his element in the gym. It's empty and echoing like he feels most of the time. Like his insides have been scooped out and not replaced. Everything has been taken away, and he's left to deal with it. Hard luck.

_Smack._

He's in his element here with the punching bags and silence. He's alone, as he should be. He doesn't need anything else. He doesn't need anyone. He's better off this way. Everyone is better off.

_Smack._

It's out there that things start to get blurry. He'd rather stay out of this new world. It's probably best for him and for the 21st century. He can't expect them to conform to his ideals, and he won't conform to theirs.

_Smack._

He hasn't changed, and that feels really good. At least he can say, whatever happens, he's still Steve Rogers. He's still that kid from Brooklyn. He's not so special in himself. But he was given a gift.

_Smack._

A gift. He tells himself to be thankful for it. He doesn't wish he'd never gotten it. Only sometimes he does. Sometimes when he lays awake at night thinking about everything he's lost. Would it have been better to never have it?

_Smack._

Steve shakes these thoughts from his mind. He can't think like that. The serum may have ruined his life, but it allowed him to save countless lives and stop Johann Schmidt. That's more important than his current discomfort.

_Smack._

Okay, it's more than discomfort. He's kind of miserable. But he's still doing good. He has become everything he thought he never could. They would be proud.

_Smack._

They would, but they aren't because they aren't here. They're all dead. Lived their lives. Steve is alone because he decided to do the right thing. The only thing he could have done. He doesn't regret it.

_Smack._

Stepping out onto the street, he's out of his element again. He hates this trek from the gym to his apartment. It's not that far, but he can't avoid seeing everything that reminds him he doesn't belong here.

Sometimes, he used to stay at the gym all night, trying to be tired enough not to notice. He always notices. It never becomes normal. It never will.

Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe it's a part of him staying the same like he's supposed to. He doesn't think Erskine had this in mind when he said that. But he'll keep his promise. He won't change no matter how much this modern world tries to make him. No matter how many cell phones and computers S.H.I.E.L.D and Stark try to throw at him to bring him "up to date." No matter how offensive and disgusting everything seems to be. No matter how self-absorbed and petty the people are. Steve Rogers will not change.

Maybe he's a stick in the mud. Maybe he should relax and open his mind. Maybe, but he won't. He can't risk losing himself in all this. Because that's the one thing he's always had. Himself. The action, the fame, the suit... it could all go away, and he would still be the same person.

He gets back to his apartment, and he's in his element again. He doesn't have a TV or a computer; he has a radio and a wall of bookshelves. He showers and changes, makes dinner and eats it at the table like a human being. He's still human.

After dinner, he settles into the couch with a new book. Just because he doesn't want to be part of this new society doesn't mean he shouldn't understand it. He's been reading a lot lately. He wants to know how things have changed. He wants to know what to expect so he can deal with it.

Steve falls asleep on the couch. His book on the Cold War falls to the floor. He's comfortable now. Maybe not happy, but content. He can survive without losing his mind in this world. Not that it isn't difficult.

There's one other place he feels at home, and that's on a mission. With the Avengers. None of them make much sense to him, or to each other, and maybe that's why it works. In any case, fighting aliens, saving the world, that's his element; that's where he belongs, and he's not sorry to be there.


End file.
